In February of 2019, my wife and I found ourselves at odds, separated so deeply by opposing political ideaologies that our interactions were marred by constant arguments. It was an exhausting and unhealthy cycle. Following an especially bitter exchange, I decided to escape for a while, and went on a hike.
As I walked through the woods, I couldn't help but be consumed by negative thoughts. They spiraled in my mind, unceasingly crafting brilliant counterpoints designed to decimate my wife’s perspective. They weren't aimed at bridging the gap between my wife and me, rather they seemed to be designed as intellectual weapons to undermine her perspective. The exercise was not about mutual understanding, but about 'winning' an argument, further inflaming discord rather than quelling it.
Constructive dialogue hinges on empathy, understanding, and respect for differing views. My approach, however, was driven by the desire to dispute, rather than to understand. Each counterargument I conceived was a potential spark for more conflict, threatening to widen the chasm between us instead of bridging it.
In essence, my fixation on constructing the perfect rebuttal was not only deepening my own sense of resentment but also potentially sowing new seeds of discontent in my relationship. The cost of 'winning' the argument could be losing whatever harmony was left in our relationship, an outcome far too steep.
I needed to clear my head, and silence was not working. I wanted to get something in there that would take my mind off of all I was thinking. I remembered my father listening to a motivational speaker named Zig Ziglar. Whenever I overheard my dad listening to Zig's talks, twenty years ago, I always came away feeling optimistic. In the midst of my hiking-induced rumination, I felt an impulse to hear more of Zig. I downloaded a Ziglar seminar on Audible, and soon found myself immersed in his wisdom for the next two hours.
Zig's message was transformative, shaking my thoughts to their core. His principle - "Your input determines your outlook, your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future" - felt like a beacon of clarity in within my frustration. I realized that I had been allowing toxic political discourse (and hours upon hours of negative reading and listening) to cloud my judgment and affect my relationship.
This was a turning point, and I don’t know how to stress it enough. I wanted more of this feeling - and at this beginning point it was all about how it made me feel. There was no denying that listening brought me some major stress relief and good emotions.
Eager to find out more about this whole world of personal development, I reached out to my friend Miguel Rodriguez, a friend, fellow musician, and motivational speaker, and asked for further recommendations. He pointed me towards another luminary in the field - Jim Rohn. Rohn's philosophy resonated deeply with me, particularly his assertion that we have the power to select our attitude. This, combined with Ziglar's teachings, was instrumental in reshaping my mindset.
Embracing this newfound perspective, I started distancing myself from the sources of negativity - the political podcasts, blog posts, and the news in general. I made a conscious effort to replace these with positive influences, focusing on what was truly happening in the world rather than the sensationalized narratives propagated by media outlets. I also made a pact with my wife to keep our shared space a news-free zone, unless there was something really important to share.
The fourth revelation came to me while still on this transformational journey. I recognized that I had been creating "conspiracy theories" about my wife and others in my life. These unfounded suspicions had been poisoning my interactions (more on conspiracy theories later). Realizing this, I resolved to cut off such negative assumptions in their tracks.
Over the next seven months, I kept listening, and also began reading. The first were all books on the topic of personal development. Think and Grow Rich, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Power of Positive Thinking, and more of the “basics” some of which I now consider fundamentals. I was fearful to stop at first, because my past life had shown that I would improve my life in a flash, but it never lasted.
The results of putting this new powerful material into my mind on a consistent basis bloomed with so many positive changes in my life that I’ve never stopped the process from that day until this one.
Just a few months after I began this journey, I spoke at a personal development conference for the first time, briefly, but I was honored to be asked, which inspired my confidence. My relationship with my wife improved tremendously, and she’s been an enormous support through the course of the transformation. My mindset was improved, I lost forty pounds, I began learning Spanish, I created my first online course (a blues keyboard course, and I began to expand my reading to include fewer books on the fundamentals, and more books on social science, sales & marketing, history, behavioral economics, real estate, and business.
Developing this body of knowledge helped me become who I am today, as I help businesses strategize and grow - much of my time “working” is now spend speaking with people at coffee shops around town, a life I had only dreamed about in my past. My first business consulting gig resulted in a five-figure launch, followed by landing a five-figure consulting job, making more money than I had ever made in my life. I’ve run and attended mastermind groups and investment groups, and started a podcast that is over 100 episodes strong where I get to meet amazing folks from all over the world. In addition to the podcast, in 2021 I began a real estate investing business which has acquired nearly $1MM in assets by mid 2023.
I attribute every ounce of my success to two things.
First, to all the information that is out there and freely (or cheaply) available to me.
Second, the grace extended to me, for whatever reason, that made me care about learning.
Since that hike in 2019, I’ve become a serious student of my own life. I’ve written over five thousand pages of journal entries in my growing collection of Moleskine and Leuchtturm1917 journals. Ideas and notes collected from all the various input I’ve consumed over the last four years - books, YouTube videos, seminars, classes and courses - have served to help me reflect on the truth of what I am, and urge me on to all that I can become.
I don’t, and never will, claim to be coming from a place “above you” - I’ll never be anything other than a guy who is passing on amazing information. I’ve not come up with any of these principles or ideas on my own. I’m only here because I stumbled across a host of brilliant minds - Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy to name a few. Their teachings set off light bulbs in my head and showed the way from a path of destruction toward one of success.
And they were only there for me because they stumbled across Earl Schoaf, Earnest Nightingale, Norman Vincent Peale, and others. Like a time-traveling relay race, they passed the baton onto me and now it's my turn to pass it forward. I'm just another link in the chain, following in their footsteps, and hopefully leaving some of my own.
It’s my hope that I continue to be delightfully surprised by insights throughout my entire life, but my deeper wish is that this work allows you to perceive some of the enlightening knowledge that instigated my profound life transformation. My life took a sharp turn for the better when I realized that I was in control - of my thoughts, my actions, and my responses to external factors. As Zig Ziglar puts it, "You have the power right now to make things better or to make things worse, and the choice is up to you."
