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March 4, 2021

Attracting The Right People - How To Find Your Success Network

Attracting The Right People - How To Find Your Success Network

How do you find your Success Network. 

 I’m not necessarily talking about your audience, or your tribe. Just a group of people who feel the same way you do and those who are attracted by what you say. What you do with this group is up to you – if you’re going to make them your audience, sell to them, or simply build your network. There are a lot of possibilities. 

What you have to avoid is this: You can’t be bothered with all the people who aren’t going to do what you want them to do, feel what you want them to feel. It isn’t worth your time. 

Nearly infinite varieties of people, and some aren’t going to do what you think is right. 

 Don’t expect a liar to tell the truth. Being surprised that a liar is lying is naïve. There are bad drivers out there. Being surprised by a bad driver? Also naïve. 

 Incidentally, another thing that goes along with being surprised by bad drivers is that they make us so angry. Some driver pulls a crazy stunt on the way to work, and we get mad, and we’re fuming, and we’re complaining about it. And we carry it with us all day, let it ruin the day, meanwhile the driver is happily going about his day with no clue that we even exist. But we let him ruin our day. If that’s not foolish, I don’t what is. Back to it…

When I was heavily involved in the church, I constantly saw Christians complaining about the actions of non-christians. I made a lot of noise about this, eventually pushing people away from me – unattracting them because I wouldn’t let someone make a point like this in front of me. I’d say, “You want people who don’t believe the same things as you do to act as if they do believe the same things as you.” 

I still carry this with me – this whole idea of expecting people to fit my paradigms. Instead of doing that, my goal NOW is to find the people who already fit. The people who enjoy what I say, who appreciate my way of looking at the world. 

So how do you find your tribe?

1.    You have to know pretty precisely what you stand for, and all of your communication should follow the principles that you claim. 

a.    People know a fake, we all have a BS detector built in – if you are faking it, people will know, and worse, you’ll be attracting the wrong people to you with a half-hearted message. So pick a mission you believe in. 

b.    People will know when you are trying to impress them, and they will be unimpressed by this. So don’t worry about being impressive. Worry about having the right message for you, and the right mission for you. 

c.     Your tribe will – the right people – will resonate with you when you are being genuine and true to your nature

d.    Be a giver, not a taker. Whatever you are doing, keep in your mind at all times that you want to give to people. If you start something with the idea of getting something out of it, and you are largely focused on that, it will start to come out in your words and mannerisms, and it will cease to attract the very people you want to attract. Which brings me to

 

2.    You have to be valuable. What can you give? What has helped you? What have you learned? What shortcuts can you provide? What can you DO for them? People are really interested in themselves and if you try to get them interested in you, the project will fail. People care about their own experiences, so if you can offer them some sort of transformation – something that will make them better or stronger. A piece of themselves that is changed after coming into contact with you. Offer that transformation, and you will attract those  you want to attract. Meet their needs. You aren’t going to know what those are until you begin building the tribe and asking. And after asking, give them what 




 

 

Transcript

How do you find your Success Network? 

I’m not necessarily talking about your audience, or your tribe. Just a group of people who feel the same way you do and those who are attracted by what you say. What you do with this group is up to you – if you’re going to make them your audience, sell to them, or simply build your network. There are a lot of possibilities. 

What you have to avoid is this: You can’t be bothered with all the people who aren’t going to do what you want them to do, feel what you want them to feel. It isn’t worth your time. 

Nearly infinite varieties of people and some aren’t going to do what you think is right. 

Don’t expect a liar to tell the truth. Being surprised that a liar is lying is naïve. There are bad drivers out there. Being surprised by a bad driver? Also naïve. 

Incidentally, another thing that goes along with being surprised by bad drivers is that they make us so angry. Some driver pulls a crazy stunt on the way to work, and we get mad, and we’re fuming, and we’re complaining about it. And we carry it with us all day, let it ruin the day, meanwhile, the driver is happily going about his day with no clue that we even exist. But we let him ruin our day. If that’s not foolish, I don’t what is. Back to it…

 

When I was heavily involved in the church, I constantly saw Christians complaining about the actions of non-Christians. I made a lot of noise about this, eventually pushing people away from me – unattracting them because I wouldn’t let someone make a point like this in front of me. I’d say, “You want people who don’t believe the same things as you do to act as if they do believe the same things as you.” 

 

I still carry this with me – this whole idea of expecting people to fit my paradigms. Instead of doing that, my goal NOW is to find the people who already fit. The people who enjoy what I say, who appreciate my way of looking at the world. 

 

So how do you find your tribe?

 

1.    You have to know pretty precisely what you stand for, and all of your communication should follow the principles that you claim. 

a.    People know a fake, we all have a BS detector built-in – if you are faking it, people will know, and worse, you’ll be attracting the wrong people to you with a half-hearted message. So pick a mission you believe in. 

b.    People will know when you are trying to impress them, and they will be unimpressed by this. So don’t worry about being impressive. Worry about having the right message for you, and the right mission for you. 

c.     Your tribe will – the right people – will resonate with you when you are being genuine and true to your nature

d.    Be a giver, not a taker. Whatever you are doing, keep in your mind at all times that you want to give to people. If you start something with the idea of getting something out of it, and you are largely focused on that, it will start to come out in your words and mannerisms, and it will cease to attract the very people you want to attract. This brings me to

2.    You have to be valuable. What can you give? What has helped you? What have you learned? What shortcuts can you provide? What can you DO for them? People are really interested in themselves and if you try to get them interested in you, the project will fail. People care about their own experiences, so if you can offer them some sort of transformation – something that will make them better or stronger. A piece of themselves that is changed after coming into contact with you. Offer that transformation, and you will attract those you want to attract. Meet their needs. You aren’t going to know what those are until you begin building the tribe and asking. And after asking, give them what they need. 

3.    You have to have the courage to get out there with your message. There will be people, as I’ve said, who don’t like what you have to say. It takes courage and conviction to move forward (and it’s hard to have conviction if you don’t know what you stand for).  But if you get out there and start shouting your message, sure enough, you will attract those you want to attract. It could take days or months or years – this is normal. 

4.    Be consistent. Always show up. Always give as much value as you can. If you are always disappointing those you’ve already gathered, you’ll be losing people. This consistency will keep their attention and will help you continue to attract people and grow your tribe. 

 

Once again, this isn’t really about building an audience – though these things are useful to do that. 

But this is about gathering together your success network. And more importantly, it’s about knowing that to be precise about what you want, and what your mission is, this is going to turn off a lot of people. It’ll make people mad, it’ll get some negative comments. This is where the courage comes in. But if you try to please everyone, then you’re not really standing for anything in particular which will make things much less interesting. 

 

Wisdom is to find out the way the world works, and then operate based on THAT knowledge. Don’t be surprised when it works as it always has. Don’t start planting your seeds in the fall, and then yelling at them to grow. And don’t expect every crop to be miraculous. Understand how things work, then work inside that system. Expect disappointment, but keep planting seeds, taking care of them, fighting off the weeds that will come – and the weeds and bugs WILL COME – EVERYTHING GOOD WILL BE ATTACKED. Get used the this and keep going. 

  

When you start doing all of this, there will be people who complain about you. There will be people who mock you. There will be people who don’t get it. 

And there will be people who understand and follow you. Those are the people you are doing this for, those are the people you are here to serve. 

Thanks for listening to the second mix podcast – if you liked what you heard here today, give me 5 stars wherever and whenever you can and subscribe to hear more Every Monday and Thursday. You can email me at matt@secondmix.NET, and subscribe to updates at secondmix.net. I’d love to hear from you. 

Until Monday, keep reflecting, revising, and remixing your life. Get better, stronger, and wiser. Have an incredible weekend.